Yes, teen girls could be drama queens, but mom's could be drama mamas.
"What are you discussing? It's my daughter's fault. She's rude, disrespectful, and defiant."
I understand it's easy to target in your daughter's behavior, but it's easy for mom's to participate the drama dance and escalate the drama.
Now I'm not blaming moms or letting teenage girls off the hook.
But moms have to take responsibility due to their part in the drama dance. I'm a mom of a teenager and I know how easy it's to obtain hooked in the drama. But this is actually the good news.
When you take responsibility for the part, you can avoid a majority of the drama with your daughter.
The drama will dissipate quickly once you refuse to participate the drama dance.
It will take two to complete the drama dance. For this reason it's important to understand the way you escalate the drama. No mom intentionally escalates the drama dance. It's a reaction. You react because you are afraid, frustrated, or she makes you feel just like a failure.
The Six Ways Moms Escalate Drama
1. Lose Control
Your daughter loses control. She starts yelling and being disrespectful, and before you know it, your have the fire welling up in your belly. You are in touch with your inner warrior. You've had it, and you are ready to place her in her place, nevertheless, you lose control.
You lose control of one's words, judgment, and actions.
Result: When you lose control, it gives your daughter permission to reduce control. This creates a downward cycle that produces a whole new set of problems.Dramacool
What you certainly can do about it: Take a break. Go to the store. Walk round the block. Take a shower. You'll need time to calm down.
2. Escalate the Arguing
Avoid arguing at all costs. It's not a discussion; it's a power struggle where there will probably be considered a winner and loser. It's a challenge to the finish.
Your daughter will try to obtain what she wants by arguing with you.
She use her teenage logic that will be really code for "I'll argue with you till you let me do what I want."
She will throw things at you prefer, "You hate my friends." Invest the the bait and start defending and arguing why you don't hate her friends, she'll continue steadily to argue with increased passion and emotion. These arguments go downhill quickly. She will throw everything at you to obtain her way.
Result: Arguments are doomed from the beginning. Your daughter really isn't open as to the you have to say. She just wants her way. Since these arguments are so frustrating and irrational you are bound to reduce it in bigger ways.
What you certainly can do about it: Wait for a time when both you and your daughter are calm. That is your best chance to really have a conversation. When one individual is upset it will develop into an argument.
Get clear about what you think and what you are likely to do about it. Lots of arguing happens when you are not clear.
3. Scare Her
Another tactic is trying to scare your daughter into changing. This happens once you feel you can't get to her.
You make an effort to scare her by making negative predictions in the future.
- If you should be sick and tired of your daughter's room being trashed, you say, "If you don't discover ways to look after your things you are likely to be the biggest slob in the world. No-one will want to room with you in college. All the best finding some guy who will tolerate that."
These negative predictions fly from orally when you are really frustrated and you don't understand what else to do.
Other negative predictions are:
- If you keep eating like that you're going to be huge.
- If you don't worry about your grades you'll never enter a college. You'll be lucky to acquire a job at a fast food restaurant.
Result: Your daughter feels humiliated or shame. She'll feel that you've given up on her.
One teenage girl explained, "My mom thinks I'm stupid and can't enter college."
Negative predictions lead to apathy, despair, anger, and shame. They never motivate.
What you certainly can do about it: Remember your daughter's strengths, abilities, and resiliencies. This can help calm your fears. Encourage her by saying things like, "I understand you may be successful, once you put the time and effort into it." You are challenging her but in a positive way.
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